Monday, May 11, 2009

whar da fok is Alan?

Greetings Capitalists,

It is I Jackie Chan, not abiding intellectual property rights such that is not a custom in my culture to find you an update on the where abouts of the Alan Trehern.

Despite extensive scholarly research, unfathomably atrocious trips across shots of crown and space, and a forced marathon of sci-fi films ranging from Blade Runner to 27 Dresses; I have discovered to the conclusion of one evident truthful fact.

To discover this fact of truth, one must abide by the blogging mandates of law 6.9691/2 that the fact must be discovered by finding facts that are truthful. Hence a test of pin point knowledge of surroundings around you.

Below are questions to quiz you by. The answers give you a letter and then you take that letter from that questions number and insert it into the decoder to decode a hidden message that is secretive but as discusses is true and very relevant to the discovery of Trehern. As it would seem self fulfilling I will only say good luck.

1. How many times in the new Star Trek film (this blog is dated May 09) (year of the ox for rookies) did Kirk get punched in the face?

(A) 3 (B) 4 (C) A sh*t ton (D.)This answer is wrong pick C

A=X, B=Q, C=Z, D=you suck

2. What animal in the Chinese zodiac is 2009.

(A) Will Smith (B) Ox (C) Hippolol (D) All of Above

A=A, B=B, C=C, D=Z

3. FILL IN THE BLANK
When truck driver _________ (Russell) and his friend Wang Chi (Dun) go to the airport to meet friends arriving on a flight from China, bandits from Chinatown kidnap Wang's green-eyed Chinese girlfriend (Pai). To rescue her, Burton and Wang go into the mysterious underworld beneath Chinatown, where they face a number of dangerous challenges and battle kung-fu masters and a 2,000-year-old man – an ancient sorcerer named Lo Pan.

(A) Will Smith (B) Ox (C) Will Smith (D) Jack Burton

A=B, B=C, C=D, D=W

4. What made up blogging law mandates that the fact must be discovered by finding facts that are truthful.

(A) 6.9691/2 (B) XXI (C) Pi (D) Third star to the right and str8 on till morning

A=A, B=F, C=F, D=Smee

5. Who lost their marbles in one of the greatest films of all time?

(A) Toodles (B) Ox (C) Will Smith (D) Toodles

A=R, B=R, C=Q, D=R

6. Who has 99 problems and a B*tch aint one and demands that you should hit him?

(A) Smee (B) Jay Z (C) J Viddy (D) The answer is not "C" because Viddy and his crew would drive by and gun da sh*t out of anyone who tried to lay a finger on his pimpself.

A=X, B=M, C=V, D=40 dollas

7. Who has the balls to punch the lights out of an alien then immediately light up a stoagie after crashing a fighter jet?

(A) Will Smith (B) Will Smith (C) Will Smith (D) All of the Above

A=S, B=S, C=S, D=S

8. The answer is "N"

9. When in doubt?

(A) Press Start (B) Turn your N64 counsole off (C) Save Falco (D) DO A BARREL ROLL!

A=Not the Answer, B=Not the Answer, C=Fuk dat a-hole, D=O

10. 9 rings + 1 ring =

(A) 10 rings (B) 6.9691/2 Rings (C) Wut? (D) Both B and C

A=L,

===================================================================
Below is the decoder, plug the correct letter from each Question. First one to answer is rad! This could possilbly be days and months since god knows why youd check this blog! Hokay.

Q2__ Q5__ Q4__ Q8__ Q1__ Q4__ Q6__ Q2__ Q10__ Q9__ Q3__ Q7__

, bring back Trehern...



-Chan

4 comments:

BranzAm said...

The answer is "Uzbekistan"!

Jackie Chan said...

False, you are not rad.

BranzAm said...

Jackie Chan blows...but you know you luv the BranzAm you ancestor worshiping hippie!

Ben Pearson said...

This was fantastic, Jackie. I enjoyed the hell out of it.